A Whole New Light

I have recently come to a point where I am ok with the way my body looks. I have bad days, but overall I can say that I am mostly content. This amazing contentment was ruffled and hindered this past weekend when......I tried on a bathing suit. Suddenly the body I was ok with became appalling. I saw cellulite on my thighs, my stomach looked huge. The only part of me that I wasn't disgusted by was my arms. Which is ironic, because I often see my arms, in short sleeves, and are not that fond of them. I had a moment of panic. How do I fix this? What kind of food do I need to avoid/what new workout regiment do I need to begin to get rid of this cellulite?? But luckily I was able to reign in my thoughts, for the most part, and think about how even when I was extremely thin (sick) I was not happy with my body. Negative thoughts still lingered, but the next day I went shopping again in a different store. 

I saw myself in a new light (literally). The lighting in this dressing room was different. I no longer saw my body in the negative way I had the day before. The cellulite that was so prominent before wasn't even visible. I was ok with myself again. So, the lighting in a dressing room is going to determine my happiness? Definitely not. This just reinforced how I cannot trust what I see in the mirror. It can be distorted by my view point, the lighting, the clothing, everything! I need to focus on trusting my treatment team that I am at a healthy weight, learning to workout in a healthy way (for my heart/bones) and eating a balanced diet. That is what I need to be focused on for my recovery-not picking apart flaws that I can see only in certain lighting. 

This is a hard truth to accept, especially when everyone is talking about getting their "bikini body." But stay strong recovery warriors! Keep up the fight.