I Thought It Was No Biggie

The past few weeks have been a little rough. Ed has been loud, but I have been blowing it off. Telling myself it's no big deal. I have been kind of "winging" recovery for the past few months. I haven't been creating a detailed meal plan to go over with my R.D. each week. I just know my exchanges and try to meet my plan 100%. Try is the keyword here. If I miss a snack I  just tell myself not to worry about it! I can eat more at dinner or snack or later on that night. But that hasn't always been happening. I've become rather lax about my meal plan, which is good on one hand-not being obsessive over it-but negative on the other because if I do not care, I usually don't meet my meal plan needs.

I am not in a terrible downward spiral or anything, but I realized last night that blowing off recovery IS a big deal. 

I made dinner for the guy I am dating and myself last night.... lasagna roll ups (delish btw)! After dinner we were watching TV and he got a chocolate bar from the freezer. He broke off two squares and gave one to me. I ate a tiny bite and gave it back to him. He said, "Eat that whole thing. That is nothing." I thought about it, but I just could not do it. I was planning to go home and have my planned night snack, and if I ate this piece of chocolate I would not be able to have my snack, would I? I didn't want to risk messing up/over doing it. So, I told him I couldn't. After a few comments back and forth he said, "This is going to be a problem for us." That hit me. I had been thinking I was fine! Since Ed wasn't controlling my life anymore, I thought I was completely fine! But when he said that, I realized Ed was still an issue. I had put the thought of "full recovery" on the back burner, thinking this was as good as it was gonna get. FALSE. My little ed habits getting in the way of my relationship? I DO NOT WANT THAT. 

Last night was a wake-up call. One I needed. No, I am not dying on a hospital bed but that doesn't mean I can put recovery on the back burner,