I've written this before, many times actually. The difference is this time my motives have changed.
Been in a quasi- recovery stage for about 2 years now. I am now (terrifyingly) breaking free from that mindset. My motivation is no longer to run a half marathon. It is no longer to get to where I "should be" so that I can go back to how I was.
After YEARS of Ed, (a few recovery oriented ones, many half-assed recovery ones), this is it. THE END. Goodbye.
I want to focus on eating food that tastes good to me. In the past, I longed to be very "healthy" in my recovery.That inst in itself, a bad thing, but in my case it was (is)...because I cannot think of food in terms of healthy or not healthy. I have done that much too long. Food needs to just be food. It can hold no more power than that in my life.
I am trying what I call "real recovery." Where I eat food that normal people eat, not "coconut oil, almond spent grain refined organic flour" bullshit. That stuff is hard to find, hard to make, and honestly not worth my time, when in reality there is little difference between eating peanut butter and "organic almond spread."
I am also thinking about how I want my future children to view eating/food/exercsie. I want them to eat nourishing foods, but ultimately not really care! Nutrition has taken such as forefront in our society that it is no longer healthy! It is about being "good" and "bad" and "guilty" and all these other emotions that have no place among food!
I read a story the other week about a mom who fired a babysitter because she took the kids out to eat and let them order a hamburger. Yes, (sadly) I am serious.
If I want my future children to have a normal relationship with food and exercise, then I have to have a normal relationship with food and exercise!
So, here's to real recovery. Real ice cream (no thanks, Halo Top), and oh yeah, CAULIFLOWER ISN'T RICE.
