Monday, October 9, 2017

I No Longer Want You, ED

This past weekend I went a trip with my church. I only knew a few people, so I was a little nervous about it. However, one girl that I did know (as in met a few weeks ago, so didnt really know) went on a walk with me Saturday afternoon.

It started out pretty casual, then got into relationship discussion and from there it started to get deep. She shared about her past relationship, which was is a huge part of her story. We slowly breached the subject of counseling and before I knew it we were both telling our stories of ED.

I have talked about my ED with other women who have struggled before, but I have always been the one looking for guidance, listening to the advice (outside of residential treatment). For the first time I was the one farther along in my recovery.

In the past this would have fed ED (ironic, I know). I can almost see myself preaching recovery to this girl, then immediately planning out a new diet and workout regimen in order to be "behind her" in recovery. How stupid that sounds now!- but with ED, it's a competition. He wants to be number 1, and wants you to be the number 1 anorexic.

This time was different though. I talked with her and encouraged her and I felt strong afterwards. I felt solid in my recovery. I did not desire to be where she was in her relationship with ED. I truly wanted her to fight ED because ED is a demon! Not because I wanted her to get better so that I could claim the anorexia crown (as before).

It was a moment of freedom.

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