Thursday, June 21, 2018

My Tribe?

Tribe. I've heard this phrase used many times in the past couple of years. "Ladies, it is so important to have a tribe. A group of women you can trust, hang out with, be real with- your people."

The term may be new, but the concept isn't. It is something I have struggled with since elementary school. Having my "group." Ok, let's be honest, my "clique." I  have always desperately wanted to have a group of friends to whom I belonged. It didn't become problematic for me until high school. With Ed's help (or course), I started to doubt myself. Was I really "in" this group of friends? When people referred to this group (I'll spare you the cliche high school name of it), I always questioned whether or not I was included. Because of Ed I missed out on a lot of fun times with my friends in high school. This was quickly twisted and turned into "you don't have friends; you are an outsider." 

When I went to college things were different. I found my "tribe"! For once, I truly felt like I was a crucial part of a friend group.

Three years out of college my life has changed quite a bit. Even though I still live in the same city as a few of my college friends, we aren't' as close as we used to be. I am not sure if that is because I am in a different stage of life than they are, or because of something else. Regardless, I have been struggling. I have a few new friends that I love, but my college friends should be the ones that are in my wedding, the ones I go to in times of trouble.... right? Maybe not.

As I grow up, I am learning that not all friendships last a lifetime. There are a few that will and praise God for those! However, sometimes friendships are great, true friendships, but aren't meant to last forever. There are certain people in your life at certain times for certain reasons. I am not saying you shouldn't try to keep up with people or continue to foster relationships, because it takes quite a bit of effort to have ANY friends in the adult world! But growing up sometimes means growing apart, and that is ok. It doesn't make the times you shared together any less valuable.

Maybe a tribe is important, but it doesn't mean you have one "tribe" for your entire life, or that a tribe has to be a group of 3 or more women doing yoga together. I think the point is having one or more people in your life who you can be completely real with, no hiding or holding back. Right now, that person is my mom, and I think that is perfectly acceptable.

I'm not writing this to bash the strong groups of friends that I know exist. If you have that- I am sincerely happy for you. I am writing it for those, like me, who have struggled to find that sense of belonging.

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